a full heart.

I just noticed this blog post was never posted nearly 14 months ago. It's amazing even more true these words are now more than a year later...

Tonight after putting Matthan to bed I sat down for a moment to rest before Asher woke up from his evening nap. I thought about how different I thought life would be at this point. A little more than a year ago, I found out I was pregnant and was panicked. I had to remind myself that the Lord's plan is best- and His word comforted me " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 While that truth encouraged me, there were many moments of fear and anxiety. I want more time with Matthan. How will I care for two babies. What if Matthan isn't walking yet? Why am I not bonding with the baby during the pregnancy like I did with Matthan? The questions seemed endless at times. My husband and friend constantly reminded me that God's grace would be there and it will all work for OUR good.
I remember the day we went for our routine weekly sonogram and were told we must deliver the baby within the next 24 hours due to lack of fluid. I began to cry. I was concerned about the baby, but honestly I was so afraid to leave Matthan for 3 days/nights, and at that moment I had no idea who would be caring for him. But God provided for each and every concern. Our friend Erika came and took care of Matthan and we made it to the hospital and delivered the baby the following day. But I have to say, my doubts continued. Would I love this baby like I do Matthan? Then Asher was born and I had only moments with him and then he was sent to the NICU. I feared this would make bonding with him even more difficult.
Then the Lord graciously allowed Asher to join us in our room and I just fell in love with this little guy. As each day has passed my heart has grown more and more full of love. It's as if God has expanded my heart. Where I thought there was no more room- he made more and filled it.
We are so blessed to have this baby boy.